ja sam mislio da su ovdje samo auto vicevi.....salim se dobri su svi na svoj nacin

Posto u zadnje vrijeme mnogo praksam Engleski iz nekih svojih razloga onda evo ... vako jutro cu dapišem po jedan vitzek na ngleskom...


A fellow decided to decorate his bedroom. He wasn't sure how many
rolls of wallpaper he would need but he knew that the Irishman
who lived next door had recently done the same job and the two
rooms were identical in size.

"Murphy," he asked, "How many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for
your bedroom?"

"Ten" said Murphy.

So the fellow bought the ten rolls of paper and did the job. It
looked wonderful, but he had 2 rolls of wallpaper left over.

"Murphy," he said. "I bought ten rolls of wallpaper for the
bedroom, but I've got 2 left over!"

"Dat's funny," said Murphy. "So did I."

Quand tout Turkes, ici et petit Mujo.
Ovo ja otprilike, Kud svi Turci tu i mali Mujo na bukvalnom Francuskom, mada ga nisam rabio vise od 10 godina.

The telephone lineman had been out drinking the night before, and
the next day he went to work not feeling too good.

He climbed to the top of the first pole and as he took his pliers
out to repair the wire he dropped them. He had to climb all the
way down to retrieve them. As he got to the bottom of the pole
and was picking up his pliers, a small boy who was standing there
said,

"My daddy is a lineman too and he would have had two pair of
pliers, so he wouldn't have to climb down the pole if he dropped
one of them".

The lineman tied to ignore the boy and climbed back up the pole
very slowly. About his time he needed a hammer to drive in a
large nail. As he was taking it out, it slipped and fell to the
ground. Again he had to climb down the pole to retrieve it. So he
slowly climbed down the pole and sure enough the little boy was
still standing there. He said,

"My daddy is a lineman too and he would have carried two hammers
so if he had lost one he wouldn't have to climb down".

This irritated the lineman, but he ignored the boy and climbed
back up the pole to finish his work. He was no sooner up the pole
when he had to go to the bathroom, so down he climbs from the
pole and goes over to the bushes to take a leak. As he was
relieving himself he saw the little boy watching him through the
bushes.

He'd had it with this kid so he says to him,

"I'll bet your dad doesn't have two of these, does he?"

The boy replied, "No, but his would make two of yours".

Vozio Mujo kamion i negdje pored ceste vidi nekog djecaka kako stopira. On stade, mali uleti u kamion, al' nakon par minuta mali ce:
"Boze, Boze sto sam ja zedan..."
Mujo gleda, nista jasno, ali vozi dalje... Kad mali opet:
"Boze, Boze sto sam ja zedan..."
Mujo opet konta: ma sta hoce ovaj mali?, kad opet:
"Boze, Boze sto sam ja zedan..."
Ovaj vec blago iznerviran upucuje ostar pogled prema malcu, al i dalje suti i vozi, k'o veli: jos cu mu sok morat kupit!
Opet mali:
"Boze, Boze sto sam ja zedan..."
Pocevsi vec gubiti zivce, Mujo rece: "Ok, mali... stat cemo na prvu pumpu, pa ces nesto popit."
Ma ne prodje ni minut:
"Boze, Boze sto sam ja zedan..."
"Ama jesam li ti rekao da cu ti kupit nesto da pijes, samo suti vise!"
Ali mali ne odustaje...
"Boze, Boze sto sam ja zedan..."
I konacno stanu oni, pali kupi sok, popi sok, popnu se nazad u kamion, Mujo konta, haj nek smo i to rijesili, kad opet mali nakon minut:
"Boze, Boze sto sam ja bio zedan..."

Kaze On njoj nakon sexa:-Smijem li te zvati Eva?Ona:-Zasto?On:-Ti si mi prva.Onda cu ja tebe zvati PEUGEOT,rece ona.On:-Zasto?Ona:-Ti si mi 206-ti!!

A drunken Irishman is driving through the city of Dublin and his
car is weaving violently all over the road.

A cop pulls him over.

"So," says the cop to the driver, "where have you been?"

"I've been to the pub," slurs the drunk.

"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few."

"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.

"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his
arms, "that a few miles back, your wife fell out of your car?"

"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the man. "For a minute there, I
thought I'd gone deaf."

Hehe, dobar ovaj... Irci blesavi...hahaha

After a night on the town, a young woman brought a new friend
home for a late-night drink.

"You can't make any noise," she warned him. "My parents are
upstairs and if they find out they'll kill us."

Things started getting heated on the sofa, but after a while
alcohol got the better of the man. "I have to...go" he said.

"Well you can't go upstairs. The bathroom is right next to my
parents' bedroom," she replied. "Use the kitchen sink."

So he dutifully retired to the kitchen. A few minutes later, he
popped his head around the door and asked,

"Do you have any toilet paper, or should I just use a paper
towel?"